I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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