i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
