Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
