remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
