I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
