You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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