Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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