I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
