one two three fourrrrnication!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
