i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
