I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
