the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
