Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
