Your tits are I can't wait for
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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