If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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