$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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