Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
