Who did Billy Mays play for?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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