i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize