Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
