im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
