i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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