Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
