I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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