I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
