Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
