Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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