We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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