What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize