It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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