I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
