I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize