I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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