My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
