we're blogging at a bar
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
