3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
