My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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