420 ftw
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
