dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
