One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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