Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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