But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
