Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it glows. i had to have it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
