God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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