I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
