Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
