well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
