just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
