Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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