At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
