is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
