we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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