so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
