I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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