So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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