to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
