Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
