I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
