I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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