Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
