she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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