I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
