Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
