By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
