I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
