When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
