Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
