Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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