oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
