I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i believe in u and ur pee
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
