WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
