if i can run in heels then i can drive
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
